All Grief's Emotions

Grief’s rich and confusing mix of emotions and sensations is anchored in sadness. This much is familiar to most of us. But fear, regret, anxiety, depression, disorientation, hopelessness, despair, and anger are qualities of grief, too. And, somewhat surprisingly perhaps, so are more positive feelings and experiences, such as gratitude and joy.

After the death of a loved one who has endured a long illness, you may feel a deep sense of relief that their suffering is over. In the pandemic, we experience sorrow, anger, and a host of other difficult emotions. But we also feel gratitude for what has emerged - the kindness and generosity of frontline health care and essential workers, for our homes, and daily comforts, for the nourishment that the natural world provides.

Beginning with Kindness

No one can say or hear this enough: The weeks, months, and years after a loss that shakes your bones are a time to offer yourself great kindness. It’s the best gift you can give yourself. And as it turns out, it’s the best gift you can give those you love and all living beings. How is this possible? What does it mean to be kind to yourself, to take your own side, to befriend yourself? Think about how you would connect with a friend or a small child who has just suffered a terrible loss. You would show up and just be there with them and listen to their story of all that happened. You would reach out, hold, and comfort them.

An Invitation to Grow

Although this may be hard to believe or accept, grief is an invitation to grow and eventually to find meaning in suffering and experiences of loss that you did not ask for and do not want. A heart that is broken open offers a precious gift—a chance to become more authentic with your self and with humans and all beings you encounter.

In the pandemic, grief is a wake-up call to attend to the health of our planet and to consider how we might live differently to help repair the rupture in our home. Holding grief close as a companion offers fertile ground for learning about love, compassion, hope, and forgiveness.